Like Idiotic Llamas
by KelsIsVictorious
Summary: Drabble Four: "Come on, Two and a Half Men isn't that bad now." "They killed off the main character!" "I figured you would have liked that." "… I liked when that one chick described him as an exploding bag of meat."/ Or completely weird, pointless Bade.
1. jade no likey walmart

"I don't want to be here."

"Really? I never would have thought that, even though you've told me the same thing approximately twenty seven times since we walked through the door."

"I don't enjoy your sarcasm."

"That's a shame, considering I love yours so much."

Jade crossed her arms and raised a perpetually angry-looking eyebrow at him.

Beck innocently blinked. "That, uh, actually wasn't sarcasm."

"Whatever."

Beck sighed as he slid on a rather new-looking combat boot. "Jade, you didn't have to come here with me. I technically didn't even ask you. You just sort of showed up on my doorstep and got into my car."

Jade tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and fiddled with the straw of her soft drink. "I didn't like the idea of you being here alone. You could be pinned down and raped by some four hundred pound hillbilly chick with a NASCAR shirt and a mullet."

Beck slid the other boot on. "Not many people have been raped by a hillbilly in the middle of Walmart."

"Oh, they have. Walmart just kills all the rape victims in the butcher shop and grind them up to make their ground beef so they don't tell anyone because it would be bad for business."

"Gross."

"So is this place."

Beck stood up from the small bench he had been sitting on to try on new boots. He looked down at the dark black combat boots, which looked far too new for his taste… But if he bought them, he could always rub them against a brick wall or something. Or just wear them every other day for three years like he did with his last pair.

"Walmart isn't that bad. Everything's at a good price and they actually have some decent stuff."

Jade sipped her soda and gave him a disapproving look. "I should wash your mouth out with soap for saying something like that."

Beck rolled his eyes. "Okay, Mom."

"You're the one who gave me a time-out at Vega's," Jade bitterly said, crossing her arms and nearly spilling her drink. Or rather, she would have if it didn't already have a lid.

"You're never going to let that go, are you?"

"Just like I'm never going to forgive you for bringing me into Hicks R Us."

"We're in Los Angeles," Beck said, sitting down to take the shoes off. He figured they were the best out of the other boots he had tried on. And he wasn't going to try on any more, since Jade already called him a woman for trying on so many. "Not many hillbillies can afford to live here."

"Then why is there a Walmart here?"

"Because not everybody's a snob like you," Beck jokingly said, sliding the boots back into the box they had come in.

Jade scoffed. "Having standards doesn't make me a snob. Not wanting some old lady to harass you as soon as you enter a building doesn't make you a snob either."

Beck stood back up with his box, giving her a condescending look. "She was a _greeter_. It's her job to say hello to people when they walk into the store. And she was perfectly nice."

"And you should know by now that that annoys me."

"Everything annoys you." Beck started walking out of the shoe department and Jade followed. "Except me."

"You're way off there," Jade muttered, sipping more of her drink.

"How can you be so grumpy?" Beck asked, looking at her as she continued drinking her beverage. "You're drinking a Peppy Cola. Peppy Cola is supposed to make you… peppy."

"Walmart can suck the joy out of anyone. And it's not like I had a lot to begin with."

"But I took you to Taco Bell. You love Taco Bell."

"I hate Taco Bell."

"No, you don't."

"Well, I don't want people _knowing_ I don't."

Beck looked around, seeing that they were near the section with all the infant clothes and supplies. "You're right, the babies might hear and make fun of you."

"Shut up."

"I'll think about it." But mere seconds later, he asked, "Seriously, what's with the Walmart hate?"

"Didn't I just explain this to you?"

"You said something about hillbillies, but that's not a legitimate enough reason."

Jade let out a long, frustrated breath and glared at Beck with light blue eyes that didn't look so light. "The florescent lights make my head hurt, it smells like pee, the people who work here are all old, the people who _shop_ here are all ugly, and there are sticky little kids all over the place, just running around like a bunch of idiotic llamas."

"… Llamas?"

"Yes. Llamas are stupid and so are children."

"Llamas are cool."

"Only _you _would say that."

"Cat thinks llamas are cool, too."

"And why were you and Cat talking about llamas?"

"Cat's the one who brought it up."

"Ah." That needed no explanation. Not that Beck could have if he tried, because who knows why Cat brings up anything she does?

"So… children are like llamas?"

"Yes."

"… You are a unique person, Jade West."

"I hate you."

Beck smirked at her as they approached the cash register and he sat his boots down. "It could be worse."

"How? How could anything be worse than you dragging me here?" Jade demanded, glaring at the cashier for asking if they found everything okay.

Beck politely told the cashier he found everything fine and as the old man rung his purchase up, he looked back at his beautiful, yet very angry girlfriend. "We could have gone to K Mart."

Jade looked at him for a second, then pointed at him with her free hand. "That's it, I'm buying some soap." She spun around and wandered back into one of the hundreds of aisles in search of the most nauseating bar of soap she could find to shove down her boyfriend's throat.

As soon as she was out of earshot, the elderly cashier handed Beck his bag and quietly said, "That's… That's quite a lady you've got there, sonny."

Beck looked at the cashier for a moment, then at the back of his girlfriend as she retreated down the aisle with all the shampoos and soaps. A small grin graced his features. "You have no idea."

* * *

><p>That was so pointless ;_;<p>

I got bored… And I did this in one sitting. You could probably already tell that, though.

I just like writing for Jade and Beck, okay? It's fun to write about them having weird conversations. Ones about llamas and Taco Bell and being raped by country folk.

You know, typical boyfriend/girlfriend conversations.

I might make this a drabble series. Or I might not. It might not just be Bade, but then again, it might be. Don't tell me what to do, voices in my head.

I'll leave before I humiliate myself anymore… OTL


	2. fABulous

"This movie sucks."

"Don't make the movie feel bad about itself."

"The movie has no emotions and therefore cannot feel bad about itself. But if it did, it should."

Beck slid Jade closer to him on the couch, which was an easy task, since his arm was already wrapped around her waist. "Fine. We'll do something else. Any ideas?"

"Yes…" She gave him a sly smirk and said, "And they involve both of us being shirtless."

Beck grabbed the remote and shut the movie off immediately. "Jadelyn West, are you suggesting we do something impure and sexually deviant?"

Jade rolled her eyes, slinging her legs over Beck's lap. "Just shut up so I can enjoy this." She leaned forward and deeply kissed her boyfriend of almost three years and he happily complied. As their kiss got deeper and steamier, Jade slowly unbuttoned his shirt and began feeling the six pack that had previously been so unfairly caged underneath the checkered fabric. Beck's hand slowly but surely slid under Jade's pitch black tank top, but being the gentleman he was, he kept his hand over the bra. If Jade had anything to do with it, it wouldn't stay that way for long.

Some people wondered how they could start a hot make-out session so spontaneously, but when you're dating the hottest person of their respective sex in your school, it's not as forced as you think it would be.

But, of course, all good things must come to an end, especially when the slam of the door hitting the wall as it is flung open makes a certain poor Aladdin look-alike fall of the couch, taking his girlfriend with him.

Jade groaned, rubbing the spot on her arm she had roughly fallen on, then looked up to see who interrupted them. When the first thing she saw was a Jew fro, she grabbed a snow globe of Beck's and threw it at him. "Robbie! What the chizz?"

"Ow!" Robbie whined, clutching his chest, where the snow globe had collided with him. "Was that made out of lead or something?"

"No," Beck muttered as he got up and picked the snow globe up. "It's plastic. It's a good thing too. This is my favorite snow globe."

"It's your only snow globe," Jade grumpily commented.

"If I had a million snow globes, it would be my favorite," Beck boldly said, helping Jade to her feet. "It's special."

"You got it at a gas station in Utah."

"Why must you ruin everything that's beautiful?"

Jade ignored her boyfriend's mockingly hurt tone and turned back to Robbie. "What are you doing here? Don't we get enough of you during school?"

With a pouty look, Robbie sheepishly said, "I thought we were all hanging out tonight."

"Yeah, but Cat said she told you to meet here at seven… It's five," Beck said, looking at the billiards balls clock above his bed.

"I like to be punctual."

"Being punctual is being two _minutes _early, not two _hours_," Jade snapped. "Beck and I were in the middle of something."

"What?" Robbie asked, genuinely oblivious to what they had been doing, despite the fact that Jade's hair was slightly mussed and Beck's shirt was still wide open. Well, he did notice that Beck's shirt was open. He just didn't make the connection. "Wow… I didn't know you have abs."

Beck looked down at his belly, as if he hadn't known of the abs' presence, then back up at Robbie. "Uh, yeah. I do."

"They're nice," Rex commented, speaking up for the first time since he and Robbie had arrived.

"… Thanks." Beck sat down on the couch and grumbled, "Well, I'm completely turned off now."

Jade huffed, and then turned to glare at Robbie. "Thanks a lot, Shapiro."

And Jade commenced to rip Rex out of Robbie's hands and slap him silly with the puppet, while Beck just shook his snow globe from Utah and pretended like he couldn't hear Robbie's pain-filled cries and Jade's screams.

And he felt his abs a little. Because they were pretty nice.

* * *

><p>Oh hey, look who decided to turn this chizz into a series :D<p>

Hope you enjoyed the crappy insanity.

And the implied Rock.

Yeah.


	3. make it shine with gold star stickers

"Hey, Jade?"

"…"

"Jade?"

"…"

"Jaaaaade?"

"What, Beck? What is so important that you won't leave me alone?"

"…Whatcha doin'?"

"Curing cancer."

"Your sarcasm hurts."

"Your stupidity hurts. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Being a big old grouch."

"Haha. You are a comedian."

"I know. I should have my own show on late night television."

"No, seriously, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"Cutting paper up with scissors?"

"Good boy, Beckett. You earn a gold star. Feel free to stick it on your forehead."

"I would, but I already gave Cat all my gold star stickers."

"Why?"

"I don't know. She asked if I had any stickers and I just so happened to have them in my backpack."

"…"

"What?"

"You seriously have gold star stickers? I was just kidding."

"Oh. I thought you knew."

"I didn't. That's so lame."

"They're weren't for me … They were for my sister."

"Uh-huh. Sure. Which one?"

"Gwen. Aly would just stick them on people while they slept."

"And you think Gwen wouldn't do that? She has the maturity of a five year old."

"Which is why I carry gold stars around."

"So she can stick them on sleeping bums?"

"No! So I can give them to her to reward her for good deeds. Much like you would with a five year old."

"Stop lying and just admit the stars were for you."

"They weren't!"

"Then why have I never seen Gwen with one of these stupid stars?"

"… It's a recent reward system."

"Just admit they were for you."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Just admit it!"

"… I like to feel special sometimes."

"God. I'm dating a closet dork."

"And you still love me."

"Yeah, yeah."

"… Seriously, why are you cutting that paper up?"

"I enjoy it."

"What's that paper ever done to you?"

"It gave me a paper cut. It deserves to die."

"When did that happen?"

"A few seconds before I was going to chop it up."

"Poor little guy was just defending itself."

"I think the paper wanted to die. I did it a favor by putting it out of its misery."

"That paper had a family. Its mother is going to be devastated."

"You're so dramatic."

"That's what you get for dating an actor, baby."

"Don't call me that."

"Okay, honey."

"Stop!"

"Sure thing, sweetie."

"I hate you."

"Aww. You hurt my feelings."

"I bet a gold star would make you feel better."

"… You're going to tell people about that, aren't you?"

"What, are you new around here?"

"No. This is my RV. I've been living in it for like two years."

"You know what I meant."

"I do indeed."

"…"

"…"

"… Wanna make out?"

"Why not?"

"If you do a good job, I'll give you a-"

"Don't say it!"

"… gold star."

"I shouldn't have told you that."

"You really shouldn't have."

* * *

><p>My first all dialogue. These are actually pretty fun to write.<p>

Probably because this was the most pointless one yet.

Whut whut.

Oh, Aly belongs to srslyitzcaroline. I figured she wouldn't mind me sorta kinda stealing her, since I write for her in our cowriteen fic D

Gwen's my OC. Not that anyone cares about her though xD


	4. bade pwns finchel

"You're seriously watching this?"

"What? It has its moments."

As she chopped up one of Beck's old t-shirts, Jade shook her head at her ridiculous boyfriend. "It's bad enough that you made me watch Two and a Half Men last night. You shouldn't torture me with this."

"Come on, Two and a Half Men isn't that bad now."

"They killed off the main character!"

Beck shrugged. "I figured you would have liked that."

"… I liked when that one chick described him as an exploding bag of meat."

"Yeah, that tends to happen when you fall in front of a train… That is what happened, isn't it?"

"How should I know? I was barely paying attention. The point is, it sucks even more now than it did before."

"Come on, it's got Ashton Kutcher now."

"That doesn't help your argument, Beck." Jade tossed a scrap of old t-shirt at him, almost daring him to stop her. He didn't.

"So I'm guessing you're wazzed off that I made you watch How I Met Your Mother too, huh?"

"Chizz no. How I Met Your Mother is boss. And New Girl would be better if it didn't have Zooey Deschanel in it."

"What's wrong with her?"

"The woman oozes enthusiasm. It makes me queasy." Jade rolled her eyes, cutting a hunk out of the t-shirt's sleeve.

"Everything and everyone that isn't covered in dark clothing or blood makes you queasy." Beck pulled her closer to him, running a hand up and down her side, just barely skimming her ticklish spot.

Yes, Jade West has a ticklish spot.

"Seriously, turn this off."

"No, there's only five more minutes left. I think you can endure."

"I just don't understand why everyone likes that annoying Jewish chick. Or why the best dancer on the damn show is in a wheelchair. They should have put the lanky guy in the wheelchair, considering he can't dance worth crap."

While Beck was slightly offended at that insult toward his fellow Canadian, he chose not to argue with her on that topic. "I didn't say it was the best show on the face of the planet, I just said it has its moments."

"Whatever."

"That's your response to everything, isn't it?"

"Whatever."

But Jade stayed silent until the credits began to roll, because she couldn't help but find it amusing that her _mysteriously cool_ boyfriend was a _Gleek_.

* * *

><p>Because I'm really excited for the season premiere of Glee, that's why.<p>

Oh hey, I haven't updated this in a while, so I thought I would.

I'll write something better next time, I swear. This was just a quick thing because we have testing during school and I got finished early.

I'm gonna lose all my followers for this one, aren't I?


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